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October 31, 2004

An Open Letter to Comment Spammers

Posted by nerdling | October 31, 2004 11:48 AM

Dear Sir or Madam,

Though it was a tough race to call, you have officially been awarded the title of Biggest Fucking Wanker on Earth, giving you dominion over all your fellow sheep-shagging bastards. You edged out Bill O'Reilly, Tucker Carlson and Tim Russert—three douche bags whose names make the idea of being a scum-sucking bottom feeder perversely attractive.

But you, sir, take the cake.

Not only do you harass average, everyday people who don't have a spare couple of hours to weed out your supremely annoying cut-n-paste messages, but you harass us when we can't even claim to collect more than 1,000 page views per day. Do you really think that a site with traffic that low could possibly provide exposure for the sites you're pasting into comments?

Frankly, I hope you burn in Hell for all eternity. Better yet, I hope you are bound, gagged and eaten alive by a legion of hungry fire ants, or that you wind up with an infestation of lice—and not on your head.

Failing that, here's hoping your computer gets a nasty virus and blows up, and I wouldn't be too disappointed if it took you out in the process.

Sincerely,
Marleigh