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October 31, 2004

An Open Letter to Comment Spammers

Dear Sir or Madam,

Though it was a tough race to call, you have officially been awarded the title of Biggest Fucking Wanker on Earth, giving you dominion over all your fellow sheep-shagging bastards. You edged out Bill O'Reilly, Tucker Carlson and Tim Russert—three douche bags whose names make the idea of being a scum-sucking bottom feeder perversely attractive.

But you, sir, take the cake.

Not only do you harass average, everyday people who don't have a spare couple of hours to weed out your supremely annoying cut-n-paste messages, but you harass us when we can't even claim to collect more than 1,000 page views per day. Do you really think that a site with traffic that low could possibly provide exposure for the sites you're pasting into comments?

Frankly, I hope you burn in Hell for all eternity. Better yet, I hope you are bound, gagged and eaten alive by a legion of hungry fire ants, or that you wind up with an infestation of lice—and not on your head.

Failing that, here's hoping your computer gets a nasty virus and blows up, and I wouldn't be too disappointed if it took you out in the process.

Sincerely,
Marleigh

Posted in Another Bloody Fucking Wanker | 31 October 2004 at 11:48 AM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 28, 2004

If I Should Fall

Shane MacGowan—unconsciously brilliant. You can intelligently debate any topic from theology, history, literature and philosophy...though only while you're out of your skull on booze.

Which fucked-up genius composer are you?

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 28 October 2004 at 09:17 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 27, 2004

Like the Dev-il

No matter how hard I try, I just can't cross that coveted half-way mark for evil.

Don't blame me, I voted for Yog-Sothoth.

Right, but what happened to kumquat?

If you're looking to drum up some traffic, check out BlogExplosion, a new blog referral service.

Through the use of the site, I've discovered why so many blogs go unread: they are mind-numbingly boring. That's a sobering thought for someone who is scraping the bottom of the barrel for traffic as it is. I just hope I'm not as boring as some of the bloggers out there. I'd have to kill myself.

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 27 October 2004 at 03:39 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 26, 2004

Can You Hear Us?

This showed up in my inbox today—from someone not usually interested in or associated with hip hop—and I must say I'm impressed. I've heard some rumblings about the new Eminem video, "Mosh," but it's much better than I expected.

Posted in Damn Nation! | 26 October 2004 at 11:16 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

Teenage Kicks

The legendary and hugely influential DJ John Peel has passed away. I'm not going to go crazy with the eulogizing, but Peel was a major force in the world of pop music.

If you are not familiar with him, now would be a good time to revisit some Peel Sessions, or just cue up The Undertones' "Teenage Kicks"—Peel's favorite song.

"I'm a great believer in getting your priorities wrong, setting your sights low so that you don't go through your whole life frustrated that you never became prime minister. Really, it's playing and listening to records that I like."
John Peel

[David at largehearted boy has posted an MP3 from Smog's 2001 Peel Session, for those who would like to listen.]

The new Leonard Cohen album came out today. I haven't heard much, but I'm guessing it's very Cohen-esque.

I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that Clipse is a terrible, terrible MC. On a brighter note, however, the soundtrack to Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas takes me all the way back to sixth grade with songs like "Motown Philly" and "Killing in the Name Of."

I played the game over the weekend—do not ask how I did it, but I did—and it is just as awesome as you would expect.

It never fails. You cave and buy an Apple product and they go ahead and release a nicer new one: meet the iPod Photo, available in 40 or 60 gig models for $499 and $599.

Fortunately, I have no use for a full color screen—and I have better things to do with six hundred dollars—nor will I have enough CDs to fill up 60 gigs until Apple comes out with a bigger, badder, smaller, lighter and cooler iPod—assuming the cooler bit were possible.

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 26 October 2004 at 12:21 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 25, 2004

Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

T-minus six days until Halloween!

I've discovered that having an iPod means I spend a lot of time at work listening to random songs (Soft Cell and Rick Astley, anyone?). My co-workers probably think I'm crazy, as I have a tendency to play air drums, dance in place and sing along.

Ah, well. 'Tis almost the season for tolerance, anyway.

Though I'm not a big Stereophonics fan, I thought I'd post this for the Kelly Jones constituency: the new S-phonics album will be titled Language, Sex, Violence, Other. This is only funny because they are such an innocuous pop band.

Things are getting weirder on the other side of the pond—Jarvis Cocker and Co., also known as Pulp, are on board to score the next Harry Potter film. If I did drugs, this would be a not-to-miss movie event.

Cool fact for Husker Du fans: Bob Mould and Grant Hart played together for the first time in 17 years! They got back together last week to perform at a benefit for Soul Asylum bassist Karl Mueller, and they even played two Husker songs—"Never Talking to You Again" and "Too Far Down."

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 25 October 2004 at 05:49 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 22, 2004

Ever Gave Away

I must admit that I am occasionally baffled by things I read. For example, how can someone who goes by the moniker "mr emo" write seriously about anything and expect people not to think he's just another juvenile pretty boy with expensive hair, masking his apparent sexual dysfunction and latent misogyny behind a stack of Further Seems Forever albums?

Despite these failings however, he does point out that sales of the iPod are up 500% (thanks in part to my little 40G binge last night), as well as making the astute observation that "U2's 'Vertigo' is still one of the worst songs to come out this year. And despite U2's former progressiveness, they are now offically co-opted and reduced to musical puppets." A simplistic and immature analysis, but funny nonetheless.

More news on the Suede reunion: they are back together, recording material co-written by Brett Anderson and Bernard Butler, but the band will no longer be known as Suede. They are now The Tears, taken from the last line of the Philip Larkin poem "Femmes Damnees" (which was in turn ripped from the Baudelaire poem "Les Fleurs du Mal").

Despite the fact that the band says the process is as exciting as writing the first Suede album, Bernard says that "there's no social ambitions -we don't go bowling together." Apparently the rift over the *ahem* lyrical content of Suede's songs has not fully mended.

The first single from the re-released Smile has been chosen, and "Good Vibrations" (the most well-known song from the long-lost album) will be it.

Check out the videos from the current Zombies tour. {Via largehearted boy}

For those who are interested in mad geniuses, check out this chat with Arthur Lee. {Via Coolfer}

If you're of the literary persuasion, I stumbled upon an online reproduction of the first printed version of Charlotte Perkins Gilman's supernatural short fiction "The Yellow Wallpaper."

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 22 October 2004 at 02:21 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 21, 2004

Sleeping Pills to Feel Forgiven

To recap last night's show, you should all catch Boston's Runner & The Thermodynamics if they come to your town. I've never seen a three-man band rock so hard to an empty house. There was literally no one there to see them and they played like they thought they were Zepplin—plus, they have an awesome drummer (think Keith Moon pre-explosion).

Centro-matic was much less interesting live than I had been led to expect. Sure, they're awesome on record, but the in-person version leaves much to be desired. Will Johnson is way creepier live than in anything I've read about him.

And then there was the Truckers. I didn't get to hear all the songs I wanted—but I did get to hear most of them, including "The Living Bubba"—and Jason Isbell popped up into the balcony and stood next to us for the latter part of Centro-matic's set, which was pretty damn cool. All in all, it was a great rock show. And props to the guy who yelled "Fucking bring it!" at Patterson Hood. You're a brave man, sir.

In non-personal music news, Matthew Sweet will be going on tour in support of his new album, Living Things, which is comprised of material he cut right after The Thorns' album.

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 21 October 2004 at 03:28 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 20, 2004

How to Lose Money Fast

UPDATE! My shopping list for the week:

01. 40G iPod
02. iTrip
03. Ted Leo & Rx – Shake the Sheets
04. A very large external hard drive (the better to backup my CDs with).
05. Other assorted pieces of optical media that will cause a large, weeping sore in my bank account.

Viva la debit card!

I'm braving the rain to see the Drive By Truckers tonight with Centro-matic. If this show is as good as their last one, it might cause a three-way tie with Robbie Fulks and the Old 97s for best show of the year.

It is guaranteed to be the best DBT show ever if they play "The Day John Henry Died," "Sinkhole," "Decoration Day," "Steve McQueen," "Nine Bullets," "The Living Bubba," "Hell No, I Ain't Happy" and "Carl Perkins' Cadillac" in any order—and so long as Centro-matic busts out "Flashes and Cables."

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 20 October 2004 at 11:17 AM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 19, 2004

Doomsday, Anyone?

As an early concession to both the upcoming holiday and the upcoming election, I thought I'd post about something that tends to get people worked up, with the bonus that it is more than a little bit spooky.

Beginning on or around November 2, 2000, someone with the screenname Timetravel_0 began posting on a public forum that he was a time traveler from the year 2036. Later identifying himself as John Titor, this mysterious figure has prophesized the end of the world as we know it, beginning with a civil war that starts in the year 2005. Civil insurrection begins after the presidential election of 2004 and according to Titor, the year 2015 brings a brief—but important—WWIII, wiping out most major cities in the United States and resulting in a world that looks something like a set from The Postman.

That's the brief recap, but I'll just say that the vote is pretty split. There are those who absolutely believe in John Titor and those who think he is the cheapest form of charlatan. All I know is that he disappeared on March 24, 2001 after informing his readers that he would be returning to his own time, and he has not been heard from again.

Those who believe him have found proof in some veiled hints made in his posts, while his detractors believe he was purposefully vague to avoid discrediting himself. For his part, Titor claimed that he was vague because he could not disrupt the course of world events with his predictions. I'm not much on science, but a great deal of his posts (including pictures) deal with the mechanics of time travel, and he apparently made many predictions about discoveries in physics that have since come to pass.

Either way, I've included below a selection of his responses, starting with his list of things to know and do should a civil war break out. Those interested can find more information at johntitor.com.

1. Do not eat or use products from any animal that is fed and eats parts of its own dead.

2. Do not kiss or have intimate relations with anyone you do not know.

3. Learn basic sanitation and water purification.

4. Be comfortable around firearms. Learn to shoot and clean a gun.

5. Get a good first aid kit and learn to use it.

6. Find 5 people within 100 miles that you trust with your life and stay in contact with them.

7. Get a copy of the US Constitution and read it.

8. Eat less.

9. Get a bicycle and two sets of spare tires. Ride it 10 miles a week.

10. Consider what you would bring with you if you had to leave your home in 10 minutes and never return.

Does anything happen in the year 2012? I've heard stories about the world ending.

In my 2012, I was 14 years old spending most of my time living, running and hiding in the woods and rivers of central Florida. The civil war was in its 7th year and the world war was three years away. Yes, there are unusual events in 2012 but they do not cause the world to end. Unfortunately, I have decided not to discuss events that you or I can do anything about. It is important that they be a surprise. Perhaps you are familiar with the story of the Red Sea and the Egyptians?

Why can't you name the five presidents you have in your time?

Over the past few postings, I have tried to describe the limits of what I will talk about and why. Here is a short recap list. In future postings, I will place the following number next to each question as to why I will not discuss it.

1. I will not disclose any information that will cause someone to personally gain by its knowledge. This means no stock or sports tips.2. I will not disclose any detailed information that would allow someone to avoid death by probability. This means no earthquake or bombing information.

3. I will not disclose any information that may compromise any future actions by individual people or threaten their family and well-being.

The reason the job of President was split into an office of 5 has 4 main reasons. With 5 [presidents], foreign policy is more consistent, power shifting between parties has less of an impact on the overall government, individual strengths between presidents add to the strength of the overall office, and one president is elected for each major area in the United States.

Where is the new US capitol?

The new US capitol is in Omaha Nebraska.

The United States is still a representative republic in 2036 but it was touch and go for a while. After the war, the U.S. had divided into 5 general areas based on their economic and defensive strengths. Many people blamed the government organization for the war and the last Constitutional Congress was held in 2020 to officially scrap the Constitution and start over. Fortunately, this exercise in anger pointed out how hard it was to come up with anything better. It was decided the document wasn't at fault. As a result, there have been a few small changes to the Constitution and the executive branch but you would easily recognize it. The average citizen is more educated about the Constitution and aware of the rights and responsibilities it gives them. Federal power has been decentralized and the focus of daily politics is in the state senates. Federal law has also been streamlined but much harder to change or make additions to.

What event started the war? Can it be stopped?

The war is a result of faulty politics and desperation from Western leadership during the US civil war. Yes, I suppose you could stop it.

Does the current relationship between Arabs and Jews have anything to do with the coming war?

Real disruptions in world events begin with the destabilization of the West as a result of degrading US foreign policy and consistency.

This becomes apparent around 2004 as civil unrest develops near the next presidential election.

The Jewish population in Israel is not prepared for a true offensive war. They are prepared for the ultimate defense.

Wavering western support for Israel is what gives Israel's neighbors the confidence to attack.

The last resort for a defensive Israel and its offensive Arab neighbors is to use weapons of mass destruction.

How and why do the Arabs [and] Jews become entangled in the civil war of the U.S.A?

They are not directly involved but political situations are dependant on Western stability, which collapses in 2005.

The Arab countries appear to have weapons of mass destruction. Do they use them against America?

Not against America but they are used against each other.

Posted in Quoi? | 19 October 2004 at 02:00 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 18, 2004

Just Can't Get Enough

At least I never have to wonder about how to spend any extra disposable income—Bose takes those decisions right out of my hands.

In the ongoing saga of the file trading wars, UCLA has embarked on it's Quarantine project, a system which automatically notifies file sharers when they have violated copyright law.

"When a person is flagged for a copyright infringement violation by a copyright holder, like a music label or movie studio, their IP address is automatically cut off from all network access except university resources, ending the student's ability to swap files.

Students are able to get themselves out of quarantine quickly by visiting a web page, agreeing to the school's acceptable-use policy and removing the copyright material. After a student takes these steps, their computer is automatically taken out of quarantine, and full network services are restored within a day. The school stores data about the students, who are identified by IP address, in case of a future offense."

Legendary indie outfit Slint are reforming to play their first show in 13 years at All Tomorrow's Parties UK 2005.

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 18 October 2004 at 01:05 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

Deception Lane

I rarely, if ever, think this—let alone say it—but I wish I had cable just so I could have seen Jon Stewart on "Crossfire." While yes, I understand that Jon is a comedian, he's one of the few people on television who doesn't have his head shoved so far up his ass that he can't see what's going on.

STEWART: It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. And I will tell you why I know it.

CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?

STEWART: Absolutely.

CARLSON: You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: What is wrong with you?

(APPLAUSE) CARLSON: Well, I'm just saying, there's no reason for you -- when you have this marvelous opportunity not to be the guy's butt boy, to go ahead and be his butt boy. Come on. It's embarrassing.

STEWART: I was absolutely his butt boy. I was so far -- you would not believe what he ate two weeks ago.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.

CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.

STEWART: You need to go to one.

The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk...

CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.

STEWART: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey.

Read the entire transcript to see just how much emotional rhetoric these guys came up with to try and shut Jon up. You know they're professional journalists when you can see them sweating and begging their guest to be funny.

But the real highlight of the show? Jon insulting Tucker Carlson's bowtie and informing him "You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show."

Rawr! Get 'em, tiger!

Posted in Damn Nation! | 18 October 2004 at 12:37 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 15, 2004

It Doesn't Sound Like Samhain

What is this bullshit? I redo the whole site in honor of the best holiday, and not one person can comment on it.

Apparently, opinions are drying up in blogland.

Posted in General Nonsense | 15 October 2004 at 12:22 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 12, 2004

We're Coming Back

It's a British Re-invasion: Brett and Bernard have patched things up and Suede is getting back together! (As is the ska powerhouse known as Madness.) {Via largehearted boy}

Much like the Merge comp earlier this year, Matador has turned fifteen and is celebrating with a 3-disc comp which includes music from Interpol, AC Newman, The New Pornographers, Mission of Burma, Yo La Tengo and Guided By Voices.

Though the first disc of the set is touted as the "greatest hits" portion of the collection, one has to wonder that the songs included on the comp only span the past five years—not the fifteen year tenure that Matador is celebrating. Where are Pavement, Pizzicato Five, Silkworm, Chavez, Liz Phair, Teenage Fanclub, The Frogs or Superchunk? Where are the bands and songs that made Matador over the past fifteen years?

I have news for you Matador: I didn't buy that Pretty Girls Make Graves album the first time you released it. I'm sure as hell not going to pay for it in the guise of this purported "best of" compilation.

Legendary tenor saxophonist Albert Ayler is being recogized posthumously with a 9-disc box set of recordings from 1962–70, titled Holy Ghost. Ayler was a contemporary of such jazz greats as Ornette Coleman, Peter Brotzmann and Cecil Taylor, and the box set includes an essay on Ayler by Amiri Baraka.

Woohoo! Queen on Fire: Live at the Bowl has been released for your viewing (and listening) pleasure.

Solarized, the new album from Stone Roses frontman Ian Brown, will be released stateside this February, complete with his collaboration with *sigh* Noel Gallagher.

Pursuant to an agreement signed in 1966, Loretta Lynn has filed a lawsuit to be freed from her original contract with Sure-Fire Music, thus allowing her to regain control of her most famous hits.

If you've always wanted to own a limited edition pictoral history of The Flaming Lips, you are in luck.

Surprise, surprise: yet another interview with Patterson Hood of the Drive-By Truckers. (T-minus one week until they play LA.) {Via largehearted boy}

Living Color and Public Enemy are going on tour together this fall.

It sounds like Universal is setting up to take over Roc-A-Fella Records. This isn't really that exciting within the world of mainstream hip hop, as there really isn't much that could be done to make rap any worse. Long live Def Jux!

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 12 October 2004 at 12:03 PM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 10, 2004

What Liberal Media?

"The conservative-leaning Sinclair Broadcast Group, whose television outlets reach nearly a quarter of the nation's homes with TV, is ordering its stations to preempt regular programming just days before the Nov. 2 election to air a film that attacks Sen. John F. Kerry's activism against the Vietnam War, network and station executives familiar with the plan said Friday.

Sinclair's programming plan, communicated to executives in recent days and coming in the thick of a close and intense presidential race, is highly unusual even in a political season that has been marked by media controversies.

Sinclair has told its stations — many of them in political swing states such as Ohio and Florida — to air "Stolen Honor: Wounds That Never Heal," sources said. The film, funded by Pennsylvania veterans and produced by a veteran and former Washington Times reporter, features former POWs accusing Kerry — a decorated Navy veteran turned war protester — of worsening their ordeal by prolonging the war. Sinclair will preempt regular prime-time programming from the networks to show the film, which may be classified as news programming, according to TV executives familiar with the plan."

"'What's happening in Ohio,' says Talley, 'is that the secretary of state has issued a statement saying that provisional ballots should not be issued if voters are in the wrong polling location.' With tens of thousands of newly registered voters, confusion about where to go is likely. Withholding provisional ballots -- which the Help America Vote Act, passed in 2002 in the wake of the 2000 election debacle, specifically mentions as an alternative voting method when valid registration is in doubt -- will result in many people simply not voting.

We 'sent a letter to the secretary of state saying that it's a violation of the Help America Vote Act,' says Talley. Not getting an adequate response, the Ohio Voter Protection Coalition filed a lawsuit on Tuesday. The Ohio Democratic Party has already sued on this issue, and a judge is expected to issue a ruling on that suit by Oct. 15.

Provisional ballots might seem like small potatoes in the scheme of things. But one professor at Case Western Reserve University -- site of the recent vice presidential debate in Cleveland -- has crunched some numbers and he's not at all convinced this issue is of little consequence.

Using data from the 2000 election, the professor, Norman Robbins, calculates conservatively that as many as 13,000 Clevelanders will have to use a provisional ballot as a result of clerical and other errors. The typical discard rate for provisional ballots means that nearly 2,300 of those will be invalidated. But this doesn't include all the people who show up at the wrong polling place and don't get a provisional ballot at all. Multiply this by the eight urban areas around Ohio and the potential for disenfranchisement is high. Considering that Al Gore lost Ohio by 165,000 votes and Ralph Nader (who will not be on the ballot) took 117,857 votes, it could impact the election not just in Ohio, but affect the outcome of the national race.

'Who does this provisional ruling affect most?' asks Robbins. 'People who move. Census data shows that low-income people are 90 percent more likely to move. If you're poor, you're twice as likely to have to vote provisionally. On top of that, when they get a provisional ballot, they're likely to encounter [poll workers] who give them unclear information on a complex form. That's already difficult.

'Now, if you're in the wrong precinct, don't bother voting because your provisional ballot is going to be thrown out, even if it was a clerical error that got you into provisional world. These are the people who are most likely going to have two jobs. They're not going to be able to go to another poll. They might have kids in day care. They may have no car. This ruling disproportionately targets one part of the Ohio population.' And they are, needless to say, most likely Democratic voters.

Ohio's secretary of state was also sued because 21 counties were wrongly informing ex-felons that they had no right to vote. According to Robbins, the secretary of state's office agreed to inform all ex-felons of their voting rights in time for the registration deadline, but then backed out based on a 'distorted' interpretation of the law."

Posted in Damn Nation! | 10 October 2004 at 09:45 AM | Comments (0) | | Link

October 04, 2004

Truer Words

New news on the upcoming Flaming Lips album, At War with the Mystics and "SpongeBob & Patrick Confront the Psychic Wall of Energy": Pitchfork, NME.

Prepare yourselves for Ring of Fire, the upcoming musical based on the life of Johnny Cash.

DBT will be appearing on "The Late Late Show" performing "Never Gonna Change" on October 19th. {Via largeheartedboy}

Bands in Japan (meaning successful bands in Japan) are opting to go with indie labels rather than sign on the line for a major. {Via largeheartedboy}

The FBI is finally releasing all of the secret files collected on John Lennon during the 1970s, and Mark David Chapman is up for parole.

They just don't learn from the misdeeds of their brethren, and now Billy Corgan has released a book of poetry.

Kind words, entire set lists of Stone Roses songs—could a reunion be in the future?
*crosses fingers, jumps up and down excitedly*

You really can buy anything on eBay: bidding on Raymond Carver's boat ends tomorrow. {Via largeheartedboy}

You jerks are too young to be nostalgic for vinyl records!

Sometimes you just can't deny the truth, and Ryan Adams sure ain't no Brent Best. {Via largeheartedboy}

Posted in A/V Dorkout | 4 October 2004 at 03:20 PM | Comments (0) | | Link